They call me Heber, The Hatchet Man. It’s a pleasure to meet you.
Now, I ain’t been one to mess with these computers and such up til now. I’d rather be using my hands for what God intended- choppin’ wood, cuttin’ meat, tanning leather, and other important efforts. But seeing how folks have made these interwebs so easily accessible nowadays, I figured it was time I took advantage of the situation. So now I’m puttin’ these hands to work at the keyboard, with one divinely inspired mission- to save the modern man.
Wake up, y’all!
You see, we got ourselves a problem. Seems to me that the fellers of today have forgotten what it means to be a man! Either they forgot or never learned it in the first place. It’s a real shame. Some of y’all are sporting “beards” in corruption. A beard is something you earn, not a fashion statement. The other day, I kid you not, I saw a dude with facial hair wearing FLIP-FLOPS. I about cried. But that’s why I’m here, to teach the gents of today how it’s done. To teach them how to work hard, toughen up, properly recreate, treat the ladies right, and make an honest living.
Real men know that it’s ALWAYS flannel season. Always.
Real men know how to fell a tree. That’s why they call us fellers!
Real men hold open the door for a lady, even if she’s got a face that looks like the wrong end of a dog. She’s still a lady!
Real men know how to throw an axe, and throw it well. I’m particularly well-practiced at the art of axe throwing. Heck, I wasn’t a day over 3 years old the first time I stuck an axe. I buried it deep in that ol’ quaking aspen tree behind the house. I threw it as a warning toss for the grizzly that kept sniffin’ around the fence. Coulda hit him ‘tween the eyes if I’d have wanted, but I’da lost my axe if he bolted with it. He got the message though…
Anyhow, it’s time to wake up. (And that goes for the females too- Quit letting the men in your life borrow your lotion and girly soaps!)
So now, I’d like to make y’all a promise. I am a man of my word.
I, Heber The Hatchet Man, do solemnly promise to teach, train, and defend manliness wherever it may be needed. I will do so by offering advice, answering questions, and serving as an example. I ain’t a perfect man (there’s only been one of them), but I’m dang near close! So if you’ll let me, I’ll learn ya a thing or two.
If you’re ready to take this journey with me on manning up (or helping your man to man up), then there are a few different ways you can join. First and foremost, I’ve opened up a few axe throwing venues for you to visit: Heber Hatchets Axe Throwing. Like I mentioned before, axe throwing is a fundamental part of being a man. Plus, it boosts testosterone and is just plain fun. You can find me from time to time at any of our current locations (Utah: Provo, Heber City, Logan).
Besides coming in for a visit, you can also interact with me on the following platforms:
- This blog on heberhatchets.com. You’re here already, so that’s a good start.
- Twitter: @hhatchet_man (I wish they didn’t use a tweety-bird as their logo. It should be, like, an eagle or somethin’)
- I’ll also be checking in on Instagram and Facebook from time to time if you wanna stay tuned into the axe throwing stuff I’m up to. You can just search “Heber Hatchets”.
- Youtube: Heber – The Hatchet Man
Alright, I’ve already spent too much time sitting here typing. I got me a rack a’ ribs out back that ain’t gonna smoke themselves.
Until next time-
Heber, The Hatchet Man